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lordsuikoden89
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Name: Jennifer
Birthday: 2/19/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: playin video games, watch cartoons and anime, sleep, play/listen to music
Expertise: ....sleeping, owning ppl in super smash bros (n64)
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  lordsuikoden89
Member Since:
3/31/2004
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| if its not one thing it's another. i dont have time and i'm the only one that seems to understand that. so imma disappear for a while. gonna hide and see if i can forget, see if i can go back to me old self, the one that lacked feeling and did things as they came even though i had no idea why.
i quit.
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| a friend told me s/he overheard someone saying, "i love halloween. it's the only time of the year when you can dress up however the hell u want and no one will judge u."
lol yeah right, looking thru all them facebook pics, u better believe im still judging.
it's times like these when u can make yer little fantasy into a reality that u show yer true nature.
Love and Peace
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| Been busy. Hell week is over. got another exam this week. midterms are starting to bleed together but im doing alright for the most part. read an interesting xanga article that made me feel sane lol. some chick out there is thinking the same thing i am. heres the link: http://www.datingish.com/714098229/treat-a-girl-like-dirt-shell-stick-to-you-like-mud/
in case it dont work or feeling lazy, here's the article:
Please answer me one question, why are girls so desperate? I mean honestly, why is it that girls let guys that treat them like complete shit and want nothing to do with them follow around guys like lost puppies and how the guy talks to them that day dictates how they will feel. I've been there and it's not fun and it's not worth it.
Take this convo with a friend that I had today:
Me: So how are you?
Her: Eh
Me: Why?
Her: Because Doug doesn't seem happy
Me: Hmm
Her: I know you don't care
Me: Well I just honestly think that you're waaay too emotionally attached to someone who wants nothing to do with you
Her: Yeah...
Me: So why continue to torture yourself?
Her: Idk...
Me: Why depend on a guy for happiness when it's clear that he doesn't feel the same about you? You laid it all out for him and he changed the subject. I'm so tired of girls thinking they need a guy to be happy. Especially the ones that push them away the most.
She stopped talking to me after that. Yeah it was a bit harsh but I'm not going to lie to her and I'm not going to say things like "well maybe he's just afraid of being hurt" or "maybe he's just super busy" because the majority of the time (not always) it's a bullshit excuse because he doesn't want to deal with you and is waiting for a chick he digs more to come along.
Take this synopses from the book "He's just not that into you"
"He says: Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you. She says: There is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot, or beg anyone to ask us out. We're fantastic. For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men. He's afraid to get hurt again. Maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Maybe he's intimidated by me. He just got out of a relationship. Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that — despite good intentions — you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages. The truth may be He's just not that into you. Unfortunately guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman, "You're not the one." But their actions absolutely show how they feel" And there it is. If he likes you he will make a relationship happen. If he doesn't, he'll come up with a million excuses that he knows any woman would fall for because every woman wants to think of their man as deep and emotional.
Now really, I'm not trying to bash guys. Guys can be really amazing. I'm with an amazing guy right now actually. But really girls, wake up and snap out of it. Not every guy you fall head over heels for will want to sweep you off your feet so stop wasting your time with these guys that are trying as hard as they possibly can to scrape you off of them.
Why do you think girls are attracted to men that treat them like dirt? Have you ever been?
How is that the magic formula? "relationship" + crappy treatment of woman = love?? i understand that we all (im referring to yall mens too) have to have been there. u cant just have someone warn u n u'll understand. some of us are lucky and get it right the first time around so the pain is avoided. most of us aint so lucky and we gotta take the long bumpy route cuz the shortcut wasnt there at the time. however, there is a difference between staying on that crappy road or choosing to create yer own path until u find that shortcut.
just cuz yer in that phase of crappy treatment does not mean u needa stay there. love does not mean pain. lol it has a lot of things, many tears and angry moments but not the kinda pain where what one person feels, the other does not. u see it all the time and u think its so goddamn sad cuz the person in pain, that very person blaming him or herself because the relationship is just not gonna work, just wont leave.
breakups are most of the time not painless. the only kinda relationship i can think of that doesnt involve any pain are two strangers in a one night stand lol or something along those lines. that pain though is not an excuse to avoid everything. the pain is there because u've become accustomed to the other person, cuz u dont wanna admit yall are two different ppl, cuz u think that if u keep trying and keep sacrificing it'll work...cuz u dont wanna know that all that time has gone to waste.
like ive said dozens n dozens of times before, its way easier said than done. there are so many ways of looking at this though to maybe make it a little be easier: whats the past years/months/days worth compared to the rest of your life? how many times do u cry and the other person hasnt? how many things did u hafta change about yerself to make the other person happy? how frequently does the other person make u think that yer not good enough?
haha i dont mean for my xanga entries to become relationship therapy sessions. but really, most of my readers are around the college age group. they're done with high school romances, and they're not too far along to already have a career and be focused on it. who knows, i could be wrong but lotsa relationships and relationship problems have been blooming around me. its cuz we aint just thinking about short term, we r deciding on long term, and part of that is who we see as being together for the rest of our lives with. i know that many of yall r thinking: wtf kinda right she got to say all this? wat makes her think shes the expert? im not one, but i sure do have a lot of friends that need one lol.
back to the article though, i wonder if honesty is the best policy. how many of my friends would mind me just walking right up to em n saying that the other person they love doesnt care about em? the girl didnt sugar coat it, she said it out right. often times i feel the need to sugar coat things but maybe i should stop. obviously wat ive done in the past hasnt worked, maybe its time to try something new. then again, not many friends come up to me anymore. haha but i know it all >D i have resources and im pretty damn observant (hence the wannabe psy major). i know wats happening but im just waiting for my friends to make the first move (hopefully they will) cuz otherwise...wat right do i have to butt into their lives? even if i do call em friend, best friend, or brother/sister...
lastly: since when did we need anyone to make ourselves happy??
Love and Peace
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| got a text from mom yesterday. when i called back, she didnt answer and then called me back while i was at work. lol insisted that i talk to her while in the library >.< oh, mammy <33
i used to think that all the friends ive made in austin were really just temporary. this past summer i told so many of em to keep in touch, that i'd come up sometime or they'd come down sometime and we'd chill. that didnt really happen. so when this year started, i chatted with ppl, hung out as usual but kept in mind that it'll all go back to the times before i met them.
some stuff happened yesterday and i began rethinking this...although some of my friends and i arent close or we dont see each other too often, many of em have greatly influenced my decisions n behaviors here at UT. although i really dont like austin lol, its safe to say that i'll miss it but mostly for the peacefulness, its quirkiness, and the wonderful friends i have made here. i hope that these friends will eventually become like most of the close friends i made in high school, the kinda friends that last a life time.
besides alla that thinking, im ready to go home for the weekend. i been going back to Houston just about every other week on average. i kinda like it this way. i havent spent as much money as i thought i would so far mainly cuz i hitched quite a few rides. some weekends when im suppose to go back i get swamped with schoolwork, but i manage. im losing hours on the weekends, but im making up for it by working more hours thruout the week. so overall, really not too bad. unless i decide to pick up a consistent volunteer job, i think i'll keep it this way. best part about it is i get to be home with family and all my loved ones. haha they really do keep me sane, whether they know it or not. i know that eventually this'll hafta change, especially with so many new options open to me with my major and these new found ambitions (which i will mention later if im successful at creating a path towards them). for now though, im gonna thoroughly enjoy these weekends.
that said, time for hell week to begin. lets do this sheit.
Love and Peace
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| stayin up late to study. lol i know its bad, we already discussed massed study versus distributed, but i seem to be doing alright considering the crunched circumstances. not sure how well i'll do on the psystats exam. i feel good though, i recalled all his notes from my head, rearranged my formula sheet for easy access and did sample problems in my head. got 3 or 4 hrs to memorize 60+ words for chinese vocab quiz tomorrow, 1hr to do a quick rough draft n ask questions in philo, and then review one final time before i take my psy test. haha kinda excited really. guess its cuz its the peak of my week. after this, its smooth sailing, despite the other quiz i gotta take n paper i gotta write >D gonna go home soon! cant fucking wait!
in the meantime, i dont really post lyrics or songs that im fond of here, but been listening to this song quite a bit lately. reminds me of a lot of ppl... haha the lyrics r just so true and in a very sad way. so pay close attention n enjoy ^_^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nz5SGun-IE0
No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
It's your turn, so take a seat we're settling the final score.
And why do we like to hurt so much?
I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why, all the possibilities where I was wrong
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try holding onto silly things, I never learn.
Oh why, all the possibilities I'm sure you've heard.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating (beating)
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
Pain make your way to me, to me.
And I'll always be just so inviting.
If I ever start to think straight,
This heart will start a riot in me,
Let's start, start, hey!
Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh why do we like to hurt so much?
That's what you get when you let your heart win!
Whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
Now I can't trust myself with anything but this,
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
dont drown out all your senses to the sound of its beating. anyway, time to go study n ace this shiet > : ( !!
Love and Peace
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